Dear Mark Carpowich

So today, while looking through Yahoo News, I saw an article about Taylor Swift. Seeing as T-Swift is one of my favorite singers, and people in general, I obviously clicked on it. Come to find out, the article is a detestable piece of fiction that does nothing but list invalid ramblings as to why this man thinks Taylor Swift is no longer a role model for young girls. I'm sorry mark, but you're completely off your rocker, and I'm going to tell you why, point by point. Why am I doing this? Because Taylor Swift has been a defining role model in my life since I was 13 years old. She helped me through heartbreak, struggles with depression and even in the last year she's played a large role in helping me understand how to depend on myself for happiness, and how to embrace myself for who I am, and empower myself. If someone was trashing my family, or my best friend, I wouldn't sit by idly. So don't expect anything less that a strong selection of words when someone who has had a significantly impactful influence on my life is attacked.

Mark Reason #1: Taylor Swift only surrounds herself with "rich, famous and powerful women".

Why is this a problem? Taylor Swift is a successful young musician. Why wouldn't she hang out with other musicians? And the models, yeah she met them while performing at the Victoria Secret fashion show. I'm a college student. The majority of my friends are people around my age, who I work with and attend classes with. But yeah, Taylor is a completely awful person for being friends with a diverse group of strong, successful, independent women. Shield your daughters from such heinous behavior!

Mark is also displeased with the guests on Taylor's 1989 Tour. He wants her to be supporting unknown artists looking for their break. Maybe she can write a letter convincing a multi-million dollar company to pay those up and coming artists for their music instead of giving it away for free for 3 months. Oh yeah wait she already did that! I guess it really does say a lot about Taylor that DOZENS of interntionally renowned performers are willing to join her onstage and perform. Clearly this type of behavior is evidence of her demonic personality. Oh, and remind me again Mark, are her opening acts super famous or are they some relatively unknown up and comers? (I can wait while you look it up Mark, cause you clearly didn't fact check that before you started writing.)

Mark Reason #2: She Uses Others to Build Her Brand

According to Mark, T-Swift is just a big user, and has been since she "made her name in country music by titling her first single after another whose name was already established: Tim McGraw". I hardly think Tim McGraw, or his reputation had anything to do with her success. I'm sure the fact that every album she's ever released has been record breaking is completely because she had one song on her self-titled debut album. Riddle me this Mark, is Brad Paisley a user? Eric Church? Cause they both happen to have songs titled after other artists. Should I stop respecting the because of that? 

Mark Reason #3: Her Charity

I think my favorite part about this one is the fact that he first does actually talk about how Taylor is very charitable, he has no issue with that, in fact he even mentions the fact that Swift is recognized as one of the music industry's MOST philanthropic entertainers. Mark is just unsatisfied with how Taylor gives to charity. Yeah, I'm serious. Mark doesn't like that Taylor Swift chooses where make her contributions through fan surveys. I guess seeking feedback from a dedicated group of fans, and trying to be charitable in ways that will benefit them directly is super selfish of Tay. And I am sure that if we were to pull Mark's taxes they would reflect that he donates a reasonable amount of his income to a variety of charitable organizations. Of course, I would never judge him based on what he does or doesn't contribute to charity, nor question his reasoning, because that's none of my damn business and it would be rude to criticize a person's philanthropic choices.  

Mark Reason #4: She's Promoting Vanity

Apparently T-Swift is a deplorable human for A) Being an entrepreneur and B) Being a spokes person. According to him, her role as a spokeswoman for CoverGirl is inconsistent with Taylor's "love who you are" attitude. Ellen Degenres was also a CoverGirl spokeswoman, does Mark think she's a bad role model too? So, I can't love myself and mascara? Guess I can't be a confident and love myself, because I also happen to love eye shadow. 

Now, there were even more digs at Taylor Swift in Mark's little article, but for the sake of length I'm not going to get in to his inaccurate description of her musical evolution, or call him an idiot for saying she abandoned country music. I am absolutely positive that Mark loves the exact same music styles now, as he did when he was 15. And I'm sure he just forgot to consider all the famous male country artists who's music stylings have evolved throughout their careers. 

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that you shouldn't go off judging a someone you dont know, have never met, and have never spent any time with. That is ignorant, and that is wrong. Mr. Carpowich is doing a wonderful job of showcasing the type of person we dont want our youth to idolize. He just happens to be doing it with his actions, not his writing. 

Mark's Article: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-carpowich/taylor-swift-no-longer-a-role-model-why-everything-has-changed_b_7791264.html

The Real Shame

So, once again, America has completely overreacted to something trivial. We’ve taken something completely innocent, and turned it into a national crisis. We’re very good at this, and I’m kind of glad because it makes coming up with blog posts so much easier.

Oprah Magazine is in the news today because of a piece of fashion advice they gave women. In response to the question “Can I pull off a crop top?” the magazine said “If (and only if!) you have a flat stomach, feel free to try one. For more coverage, layer the top over a longer shirt”. Some people are calling this body shaming. I’m calling those people idiots.

I’m not sure if y’all are aware, but clothing items are not universal. Every person and every different body type can’t all wear the same style, cut, color and look good. We need to applaud Oprah Magazine. They’re doing what so many of us are unwilling to do; be honest about our bodies. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when women refuse to dress in clothing that is flattering for their figure, because they can’t or won’t accept their bodies. Look at me, I’m a big girl. I know it, I own it, I whine about it on occasion (I’m only human after all). But I also dress for my body type. And guess what, its not all baggy sweaters. I’m fat but I’ll be damned if I don’t look cute as hell in an A-line dress. I know what kind of clothes flatter me, and I don’t really give a damn what the number on the tag says.

I have a pudgy white stomach, and I have no business wearing a crop top. Why would I? A crop top is not going to flatter my body, and Oprah Magazine knows that. They didn’t say “All you fat asses shouldn’t wear a crop top”. They said it’s flattering on women with flat stomachs (True.) and even gave a secondary option on how to wear a crop top if you don’t have a flat stomach (Thanks for the idea O!)

There is a distinct difference between body shaming, and being realistic about your style. We can’t be so over sensitive to things like this. If we turn every piece of fashion advice into body shaming, we’re going to create an environment where no one can be honest about their body. We need to focus on creating an open dialogue so that young girls can learn to embrace the body they have and rock it, not hide it while constantly saying “I’ll buy that when I can fit in the smaller size” or “I’ll be happy when I lose 10 more pounds.”

If your mom or your best friend told you to put the crop top down cause it didn’t look good on you, you would thank them for saving you from being a fashion don’t, but if Oprah does it she’s body shaming? Oprah? We’re really accusing the queen of embracing your body of being a body shamer? *Raises one eyebrow and shakes head* I don’t think so y’all.  

Anxiety Calling

One of the conditions I struggle with is anxiety. I have been diagnosed with both Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. In the past these caused me to have severe panic attacks, often late at night, and that is a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I also sometimes have trouble in places that are very cramped, crowded and loud. I get overwhelmed and need to remove myself from the situation and take a few minutes to calm down and collect myself. These anxiety attacks are something that over the last few years I have been able to work to handle, and now they happen very infrequently. But even though these big symptoms are infrequent, and even though I’m now confident and able to handle them, there are still things that instantly fill me with fear.

Phones. I am terrified of phones. I know what you’re thinking, “Phones? Is she serious? Phones are not that scary, come on Liz get over it”. I know that phones shouldn’t be scary. The logical part of my brain is right with you, but the rest of me is not. The thought of having to pick up the phone and make a call (with the exception of my parents and close friends) terrifies me. It doesn’t matter if I’m calling a news station to coordinate media for an event, or calling the Doctor’s office to schedule an appointment. The minute I start thinking about calling, my body goes into panic mode. My heart races, it gets harder to breath, my stomach is in knots and my hands get shaky, and I have no control over it. I can take a few deep breaths, but that only does so much.

Now, something you should know about me. I am not an overly shy person. I make conversation with strangers, I speak up in class, I propose ideas in meetings, I’m even a campus tour guide. I am a confident, well -spoken person who doesn’t get intimidated, except by telephones apparently. But that is the thing about anxiety. It doesn’t play by the rules, it isn’t logical. I absolutely love spending 90 minutes talking with a group of potential students and parents, but when it comes to calling customer service to get a coupon code, it is painful. I put things off far too long to avoid it, and when I do make a call, it is guaranteed that I have a cheat sheet of all the possible information I might need on the call.

Making a phone call, something that is done millions of times a day, is a painful ordeal for me. But it is also a necessity for my personal and professional life. It’s not something I can just “get over”. It’s a heart pounding, hand shaking, fear inducing activity equivalent to the moment before a roller coaster plummets down the first hill.

Yes, I’m handling my depression. Yes, I’m handling my anxiety. Yes, I am a confident, hard worker. And yes, I am a young woman who, even in my most successful times, struggles to overcome her symptoms. Never take advantage the things you can do with ease, and always remember that we all struggle with something.

Step Off

So, the other night I was texting a new guy. We were having a casual conversation and he started making very flattering statements. You're gorgeous, You're such a hottie, and things of that nature. Now don't get me wrong, I love a compliment just as much as the next girl, but there comes a point when I'm ready to move on. So, after three of four of these compliments, I told him "you dont have to keep complimenting me".

I thought it was a pretty simple request, but the boy decided to sass me. "Fine, then I guess I wont." At this point I'm sighing at my phone, I'm not a person who thrives on drama and enjoys playing games. So I clarified, "I just mean that if you want to have a conversation, that's great, but I'm not the kind of girl who needs to be complimented a lot." Simple, polite, to the point, right? Nope. I was met with, "If you're gonna be a bitch about it, forget it."

Um, what? Let me see if I have this straight, I politely told a guy that I wanted to have an actual conversation, instead of him just continually complimenting me, and I'm a bitch? Suuuure, that makes complete and total sense. Or NOT. Is anyone else getting incredibly sick of constantly being judged by strangers? I am.

If you're a virgin then you're a prude, but if you're not a virgin, regardless of how many times you've been physical, you're a whore. If you're modest you're shy, but if you're confident then you're just full of yourself and have a big head. Successful? No, you're just braggy. Smart? Nope, showoff.

If you ask me, it's about time we stop letting everyone else define us based on their beliefs, and stop letting them twist and deform our best qualities into negative labels. The only person with the power to define your labels, is YOU. The content of your character is not based on a public poll, its based on what you do. Your actions speak much louder than others' ignorant, judgmental words.

Everyone Deserves to Have a Safe Day, Everyday.

I want to live in a world where depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide and mental and emotional health issues aren't something anyone has to feel ashamed of. I want to live in a world where we accept the flaws in ourselves and in others and embrace those who need help. I want to live in a better world.

I am going to make this a better world.

Spring Break Up

A few months ago, a three year year friendship of mine ended suddenly. In a span of two weeks we went from best friends who spent all their time together, to absolutely nothing. The basic, politically correct summary of events is that we were no longer compatible as friends.

In my opinion, breaking up with a friend is much harder than ending a romantic relationship, especially after years of friendship. Needless to say when the previously mentioned events occurred I was heart broken. I was sad, confused and also incredibly pissed off. From my perspective, I see her at fault for what happened, though I'm sure she feels the same way about me.

I think that was the worst part of it. The way it felt like I had no control over the situation as it was happening. But then I realized something. I decided towards the end of the two week soap opera we were starring in, that I was okay with this. I know the kind of people I want in my life, and the kinds of friends I want to keep company with, and I could see this girl was never going to be one                                                          of those people.

So we after she broke up with me in a blindsiding text, I wrote out all of my feelings towards her and about our friendship and I emailed it to her. (After the first week I realized this was the type of situation that was not going to play out anywhere but through technology). That was that. I mourned for a bit, tears were shed, but you know what? Since then, I've never missed this person.

I haven't regretted the friendship ending and I've never had any desire to try and repair it. And that's okay. Some people aren't meant to be in your life forever. I realized after a few weeks that this girl couldn't have been a crucial person in my life, because her absence wasn't felt. And that's okay. If someone leaves your life, regardless of the circumstances, you aren't required to miss them.

I had spent so many years of my life unhappy and miserable, that when I realized this girl wasn't making my life better, I was fine with it ending. You have that power. Be picky, say no. Don't worry about always being politically correct or polite. You deserve to have a life you love filled with people who make you happy. If that means saying no to a job you hate, quitting a group because you're only giving and getting nothing out of it, or ending a friendship to remove petty drama from your life, just DO IT!

Make your life exactly what you want it to be. Because if you don't love it, you're not going to want to live it.

Hey Stephen

To make a long intro short, one of my friends recently went through a breakup, and the boy she broke up with made some very interesting (and by interesting I mean ignorant, childish and infuriating) comments. He sent the following message that made me so angry I could have thrown something.

You're a smart human, you can read, but let me go ahead and sum those little gray bubbles up for you. This boy has not only diminished depression to something you should "push yourself past" but he also says that some people "are just too weak to do anything about it." Excuse me? No. If it weren't for the fact that I didn't have my passport on me, I'd have driven to Canada where that moron resides and given him a high five in the face with a chair.

People like to think that depression isn't a big deal and that it's nothing to waste worry on. Depression is not the same as being sad. Yes, everyone gets sad and a lot of people get sorrowful, but those feelings are completely different than the disease that is depression. Comparing being sad to having depression is like saying having a cold is like having cancer. Do not underestimate it.

People like that boy, with attitudes like that, are the main reason there is such a negative attitude towards people with mental and emotional illnesses. Growing up I didn't know what depression was, I thought it was just a synonym for sadness. Even when I began suffering from depression I didn't know what it was. It was 3 years before I was diagnosed and another 2 or 3 years after that before I was able to accept and comprehend that depression was out of my control. It's caused by a chemical imbalance and is nearly impossible to overcome, even with medication, Doctors, therapists and a reliable, caring support system.

I am a lucky and blessed girl who had every opportunity and every resource at my disposal when battling my depression, and I still nearly died more than once. So do not EVER, tell me or anyone else that people are just "too weak" to deal with depression. When you say something like that you further the incorrect stereotype that depression is nothing more than being sad. You infer that those of us who have depression are just "being dramatic" or need to "get over it".

Would you tell someone dying of cancer to 'get over it'? Would you tell a war veteran who had to have a limb amputated to 'stop being dramatic'? No, you wouldn't, because they have no control over those circumstances. Neither do we. In order to create a culture that is understanding and accepting of those who struggle with mental and emotional illness, we have to combat this kind of language.

Depression is not something that's easy to understand, and while I can't speak for anyone else, I'm more than willing to talk about my experiences and answer any questions you have about depression. Never let a lack of understanding become inconsiderate ignorance.